Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
