He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
