my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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