Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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