This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
