so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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