I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
