he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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