When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
