We're facebook friends in real life
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
