Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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