I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
