I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
