hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
