no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
