now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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