my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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