Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
