I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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