He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
