why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
