why didn't you poke me back
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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