I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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