i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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