so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
