i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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