My nipple is on Facebook.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
