her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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