i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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