so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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