I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
