we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
