i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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