I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
