I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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