i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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