Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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