Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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