so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
