i'm signing you up for texting rehab
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
