My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
