someone get that fucking seahorse.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
