my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
