you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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