I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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