Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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