I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
