I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we should paint friendship bongs
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