Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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