Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
