What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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