I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize