He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
