I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
