Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
