You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
