He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
