I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm both gender and math confused
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
