I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
