I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
