It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
PANTIES FOUND
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