my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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