at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
love makes seman taste better
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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