I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
