im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my moral compass just broke
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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