five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
