We're facebook friends in real life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
