Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
