then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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