i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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